Monday, September 28, 2009

reconciling a bad break...uhhh??? ::sigh:: Lol but it's Gods way

I recently got out of a relationship that start to get bad (verbally abusive) not severely but it was going into that direction. The person started drinking very heavily and now i understand that alcohol can change your personality. He became very uptight and not respectful of himself or me and difficult to get along with. I stayed some what supportive for the last 3 months we were together but I was so miserable in the relationship I had to leave as I realized he wasn't or isn't ready to take responsibility for himself yet. I've been crying at various times since I've been out of his life first because I was so angry and then I was hurt and i cried because of that and then finally I cried because I felt compassion for him because, he's blinded by his own ambition to find happiness in something that he's well aware provides emptiness. What would God say to something like that?

Am I a fool? I want to be reconciled to this person and no, not in a relationship. I believe that portion is very much so over unless God would change us both in a strong way. I'm torn between whether or not God would really want something like that or if I feel like I should make one last and i mean this in a good way, 'desperate' attempt to try and be some positive person in his life if he would allow. The last thing i said directed toward him was that he needed help for his anger and addiction to alcohol. He told me I needed to move on, I simply repeated myself...a couple of weeks after that. I woke up with John 3:16 repeating in my mind, I knew that I was hearing Gods voice and that he wanted me to share that with him, well I did but I sort of doubt that he saw it or saw it and thought i was doing that in bad taste, I really don't know. I've been reading about forgiveness and reconciliation and about what to do when we have done someone wrong or when someone has done us wrong. Fear has come over me because I know who I'm dealing with. It doesn't take one month for me to all of a sudden become a perfect loving child of God and for him to become the most generous, respectful person in the world. God showed me his heart and I felt compassion because God showed me his heart has been crushed under the issues of life and the little hope he probably has is being distracted by worldly desires, we've ALL been there. God more directly has shown me, myself in the situation and that I broke away in desperation and I didn't allow myself patience through Him to say what I wanted to say in Love and the honest truth. I had a responsibility that I did not fulfill. Lord forgive me! My fantasy would be he would up and contact me an apologize but that is my pride speaking to me. God loves us all and we are drawing very close to the very end of Days. There are children of God everywhere that God is beckoning to come home no matter they've done. If God wants this reconciliation to be done, I will definitely not be hasty and if i am wrong I will accept this as a time to heal and move on in the Lord.

Thank you for reading

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